


Late At Night

by LazyCakes



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 08:31:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6947833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LazyCakes/pseuds/LazyCakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is late; Ciel should be asleep. Sebastian is worried as to why he is not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Late At Night

**Author's Note:**

> Insomnia and shipping has taken over my life

The manor was quiet.   
As expected-it was past midnight, after all. So why, why was Sebastian out here, standing in the middle of the hall?   
Ciel hadn't asked him to.   
Which was exactly why he was standing, waiting, because what kind of...butler...would allow their young master to cry at night and only be alone? It was increasingly obvious that Ciel was having nightmares nearly every night. Sebastian would hear him cry out even from his own room, and ignored it for as long as he could hate himself. It had gotten to be too often to handle; every night without fail now, there was a gentle squall that generally sounded like 'help!', and then the sharp creak of a bed, and then a long, pained sigh. Sometimes, gentle footfalls graced the floor as he paced, driving Sebastian crazy, but what was he to do to help? Lately, he had taken to doing this; standing in the hall facing the door to his Lord's bedroom, and waiting for what he knew he would hear, and each night in the past week, after the long sigh, he knocked gently on the door. Each time he would receive tentative entry and a suspicious glare. Ciel never really had been a good actor, unable to hide the shaking in his voice and body-and sometimes the tears in his eyes-when he scowled,   
"What do you want?" As innocently as possible, Sebastian's response would be,   
"Just to see if you are alright, my lord." Ciel would demand that he leave, Sebastian would clarify that it was, in fact, an order, and after properly achieving the glare that should have been daggers but was far too pouty to be anything but cute, Sebastian would leave. Shut the door behind him, and wait until it was time for him to continue daily work.   
The night before this, however, had been different. He heard the cry, but there was no sharp creak of the bed, no sigh of relief. Sebastian debated for a moment, but finally caved and rapped his fist against the wood. Silence. Moments ticked by.   
"...What?" He opened the door, knowing the answer to the question he'd ask. Ciel wasn't sitting up and struggling to breathe as usual. He was barely even moving. The blankets were pulled tightly around his shoulders and he faced the window, away from Sebastian. He was curled up tight, like a fist, but he just gave off the aura of dullness.   
"My lord,-"  
"-I'm fine." He most definitely was not fine, and the air just became more and more tense. Finally, Ciel drew a breath.   
"Did I...did I wake you up?" His butler did not answer.   
"...I'm...if I did I didn't mean to...but you don't need to keep coming." He had tilted his head slightly back to speak, and then dropped it back to his pillow with a sigh.   
Red flags, everywhere. Ciel didn't issue a single order. Didn't even try to be petulant, didn't have the energy to pretend he didn't care. It was more impactful than if Ciel had yelled, or snarled, or acted offended like he normally would. What kind of butler could leave their master with so many danger signals? Apparently, the demon kind.   
"Please," he had said for what must've been the first time in his life, "...just go."

Sebastian glanced at the clock on the wall, then his pocket watch, then the door. Hearing his young lord use the word 'please' itself had sent chills down his spine, if he could feel such a thing. He had sounded...not desperate. Hopeless. He had sounded hopeless. And though he often acted that way naturally, it didn't come across like it had last night. A broken, even pained voice. Any quieter and it would have sounded like he was whimpering. Sebastian was at a total loss about the entire occurrence as well. Ciel never so much as mentioned these encounters during the day- Sebastian assumed he didn't remember them-and so he didn't bother to bring them up either. Though it would never be admitted aloud, Sebastian was afraid for whatever it was attacking his master in his nightmares, for he could not protect him from them.   
Finally, there was a sound from the other side of the door, pulling Sebastian back to the present. It wasn't a cry for help-it was a sob. There was a sharp creak in the bed frame. No sigh, but instead the unmistakable, wrenchingly terrifying sound of a gun's hammer being drawn back.   
Sebastian didn't have the control to knock. He threw the door open and froze, body paralyzed as his brain-and heart-raced.   
Ciel was sitting up in his bed, back pressed against the headboard so hard it had to hurt, the cold metal of the gun he slept with against his ear. He was staring widely down, tears on his face but eyes empty. Nothing moved. It felt like hours passed, paralyzed. Sebastian was going to hit himself; he should have trusted his instinct to take that damned revolver the first time it was pointed at something he cared about. Finally, Ciel drew a thick, shaking breath, and attempted to speak.   
"...don't try to stop me." He forced out a labored breath, and drew one in again. "I can't...I hate this. I hate myself, for being this. Just...go away." He turned his head away just slightly as he spoke, and his finger strained over the trigger.   
"My lor-"   
"Just GO!" Cracks began to appear in Ciel's stone psyche; the entirety of his small body racked, tears stinging Sebastian's chest from where they slipped out of Ciel's eyes. He ignored what was a very clear order and instead took a tentative step forward. Ciel's grip on the revolver tightened, and Sebastian's breath caught in his chest. The looser metal appendages of the gun began to rattle slightly, jarred by the trembling of the hand holding it. His voice dropped low, lower than Sebastian ever thought it could. "There's no point to what I'm doing here. I should have died a long time ago. I could've rested with my parents...I made a terrible mistake in not dying when I had the chance. Now..." He shuddered, staring somehow even wider down. Sebastian used the time to take another step, still calculating what he needed to say.   
So, Ciel regretted making a contract. So did Sebastian. He dealt with it, because his payoff would've been worth the trouble-maybe. As soon as he actually considered it (Sebastian had never really concerned himself with the thought before), of course Ciel would have regretted what he did. He would never really have anything that could make his contract worthwhile. He could get revenge, but he couldn't change what had happened. He could never go back to the way it had been.   
And now Sebastian had realized that, only later than his young master, which meant he was much too late. Tremors shook through Ciel's small frame, every second looking weaker and weaker and ready to break. Sebastian needed him to break. It was either that he would fire and Sebastian just had to be fast enough, or that he would break and be unable to hold the gun anymore at all.   
"I...I'm sorry. For...everything I've put you through...put myself through...it would just be better if I wasn't around to cause so much trouble. I'm not solving anything by being here." His eyes lowered, and he became weary. He looked older than the earth. Panic, if Sebastian could feel such a thing, controlled his actions from then on, and in an instant he was kneeling beside the bed. Ciel flinched for what must have been the first time, and a sharp pain stabbed through Sebastian's chest. Slowly, as comfortingly as possible, he outstretched a hand.   
"My lord," Sebastian finally spoke, but what was he to say? To write off the concern?   
"I believe," his arm edged around Ciel, reaching calmly for the weapon that, should a bullet be released from, would go first through his master's head and then his.   
"That you have been through a very difficult night, and-" he placed a hand on the mattress near Ciel's hip so he could lean forward further, sneaking for the gun, somehow not being noticed by Ciel.   
"-I believe you are overwhelmed, and tired," his fingertips could almost brush the hilt of the gun, and Ciel turned his head just barely to face Sebastian. He looked so scared, but so angry, his lips parted just barely as he struggled for air. His eyes struggled to focus on Sebastian's, certainly unable to comprehend the empathy in them. The cynical smile that typically adorned his face was gone, replaced with devoted concern. The change of personality took up just enough of Ciel's attention that he slacked his grip on the gun just slightly. In that moment, Sebastian snatched the gun and used his other arm to sweep Ciel closer to him, flinging the weapon away and unconsciously gasping from relief. He had pulled the small boy much harder than he meant to, and his young master fell into his chest. As soon as contact was made, Ciel crumbled; a tiny fist, shaking and cold, clutched at Sebastian's chest, a sob escaping him and immediately followed by more. Any control of boundaries on Sebastian's part was lost as he pulled Ciel into the most comforting embrace he could muster. Exhausted, his young lord didn't bother to even move, trusting Sebastian. Though tears still fell and he gasped for breath intensely, the calmness of comfort slowly began to settle within Ciel, and exhaustion clouded his mind. By the time Sebastian attempted to place him back into bed, but then decided he didn't want to leave him alone and sat on the bed with Ciel practically in his lap, the crying had already subsided substantially. With his head tucked down and hidden, Ciel couldn't see Sebastian's hands shaking as he began to stroke his tobacco-smokey blue hair with decreasing awkwardness. Ciel eventually fell asleep, dried tears on his face and his arms draped around his falsely calm demon, his gentle breathing better than the purring of a hundred cats at once to Sebastian. It was only then after the child fell asleep that Sebastian pulled him as close as possible, his entire body electrified as he finally began to allow his panic to become physical, hiding his mouth with a hand as he struggled for air, single tears falling from his eyes periodically. There was never anything to really be afraid of- it would have been easy, a trifle even, to catch a bullet-but it wasn't that. Ciel did not want to live, for who would want to live without love? Ciel gave something like a sigh, something like a hum in his sleep, shifting slightly. Sebastian glanced over to the nightstand where a stray eyepatch lay. Well, maybe not love. Maybe affection. Sebastian probably wouldn't have been able to live without the odd affection he did receive. Eventually, his fear for his young lord subsided, and he could breathe again, beginning to enjoy the calm, and the gentleness of the mass partially on top of him that always seemed to get smaller, more true at night. Sebastian laid down, embracing Ciel as he slept, and closed his eyes comfortably.  
And the manor was quiet.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is forgottenwoundsartist, and that is where I post update notifications (of my multi-chaptered works) and any art that goes along with my stores. Check me out!


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